I come across many devotees who say they struggle in Krishna consciousness. They feel down, disappointed, sometimes depressed, useless and other related emotions. They know they can do better and want to do better, but conditioning gets the better of them.
There is some excellent news for us who may be in this position. Even though the struggle is there, the fact that we know we should and must do better, is a good sign. To know we have to do better means that the desire is right. Krishna consciousness is about desire – the right desire.
Bhakti is so potent and all-accommodating, that even if we feel down, disappointed, sometimes depressed and useless, these feelings are taken into account – they are a plus, not a minus. This plus indicates sincerity, even though externally there might be inertia, laziness, weakness of heart and so forth.
This plus will carry us because Lord Krishna carries what we lack. Feeling down or disappointed is part of our epic struggle and it is a glorious battle. To know one has to do better, and trying to do better is an internal battle that rages. It is the topmost of all battles because the mind is the greatest of all enemies.
If we can acknowledge our struggles as a glorious fight, and keep association with serious devotees to help us, we can emerge victorious. Congratulations on taking on this battle of all battles. Let us glorify all devotees who are in the same battle as we.
Why is genuine Bhakti so rare? Because the battle is so great to win and Krishna wins the battle for us if we remember His lotus feet through guru. All glories to the struggling devotees. All glories to those moods that accompany the struggle. There are no losers in Bhakti. Eventually, the battle will ease off into love and affection for the Lord, and His devotees will take center-stage.
Let the feelings of being down, disappointed, sometimes depressed and useless be our friends in Bhakti and not a hindrance. Devotees might not understand our struggles, but Krishna does. All glories to those feelings.
Your servant Kesava Krsna Dasa